“Working an outdoor vaccine clinic. Didn’t think about sunscreen… Now I have a mask-shaped sunburn, but only on half my face.”

“Well that’s not the soy sauce…”

“My sister’s dog had explosive diarrhea at 70mph.”

“Put the instant pot on the stove after using it. It bumped into the knob and turned on the burner.”

“Wanted to chill a bottle of champagne quickly and forgot about it.”

“Ordered dumbbells from China so I could workout from home and got this water bottle 2 months later instead.”

“Someone stole an entire pavement overnight.”

“Told a stranger at my work we’d call the police cause he kept acting suspicious around others cars. He then decided to throw a rock through my windshield.”

“Live alone and came home to this on my couch. Time to change the locks, I guess.”

“The kitchen sink in our new house wouldn’t drain..”

“Was looking forward to eating some gummy worms.”

“Old workmate bought an airgun on wish and this is what he got.”

“Ordered my first lego technic set and all I got were bags of mega bloks and a stack of paper.”

“I knocked my container of flour onto the floor, and this is how it landed.”

“Boyfriend tried to wash a down pillow…”

“I passed out while I was walking to the bathroom and I chipped both of my front teeth.”

“My wife received a corporate gift from one of her partners for Christmas. It came with candy, champagne flutes, and a small bottle of bubbly. It has been in the fridge since. When we wanted a couple of mimosas yesterday. When I went to open the bottle, I found out it was a candle.”

“Proof I live in Chicago.”

“Some assholes literally parked in the middle of the road and now I’m stuck.”

“My boyfriend wanted to take a picture of that glass of wine, then my dog showed up in my window and did this.”

“So, this is how driving lessons are going with my daughter tonight.”

“Moments after arriving at the office, my shoes decided to take the day off.”

“Oh, so that’s where they (airpods) went…again.”